First Marriage Amongst the Cousins

This post is old, so what you see here may not reflect my current opinion and mindset, certain information may be outdated, and links may be broken.

Yesterday, there was an unexpected (for me) family gathering to celebrate my mum’s birthday. I have nothing against my relatives — I just hate being around them in large numbers. Fortunately, they wanted to go eat seafood, which gave me and Daddy an excuse to not go since we are picky or allergic to certain seafood. Several hours later, two of my cousin and a cousin-in-law came over to my house to drop off some gifts — grapes and a wallet.

Just as I was trying to figure out how to entertain these cousins, the phone rings and I’m told to come down with the cousins to go climb up the mountain to reach Namsan Tower. Against my better judgement, I somehow got conned into that, and next thing I know I climbed up the damn mountain and got a good workout. Oh and I discovered Tim Tams were being sold in the stores there. Very strange location to sell them. After that, we went back down by the evil, evil, evil cable car of doom, where I felt suffocated. Not a good feeling for a semi-claustrophobic victim like me. Now, I’m home, and I had an interesting conversation with my mummy.

My cousin, “Ann”, who’s three years younger than me, is the first of us cousins of this “generation” to get married. I have three older cousins who were born in the 70s. Then there are four of us who are the 80s babies. Then there are two cousins born in the 90s. Ann is the first of us 80s babies to get married. I sort of tried to converse with her husband-to-be (who I claimed looked a lot like Bak Ji-Sung) and her about their upcoming marriage. They are getting married next month, and when I asked how long they have known each other, they gave me a rather sketchy avoid-the-question answer. Not sure why until I talked with my mum.

It’s strange. When I found out today that Ann was getting married, I felt unsettled by that announcement. I wouldn’t say I felt jealous of her, but more like I was jealous of the fact that she was getting married before me. However, I found out from Mum some interesting things.

1) Apparently Ann and Bak dude really haven’t known or dated each other that long. Maybe six months at the most.

2) She’s already three months pregnant, and because of the pregnancy, that’s why she’s getting married so fast.

3) Because of these two situation, my gut instincts tell me the marriage will not last that long. Meaning if it lasts long, kudos. If not, I wouldn’t be surprised.

With that said, I am no longer feeling that jealousness towards her. In fact, I honestly would not want to be in her shoes. When I was her age at 21, I had no feelings of marriage or of becoming a mother. The only thing I cared about at 21 was to finish my damn college degree, procrastinate on the computer, play my games, read my mangas and books, watch movies and animes, and hang out with my friends. I don’t mean to criticise her, but I don’t see why she’d want to give up the single lifestyle so soon. Plus becoming a mother already? Uh, no. Where were those condoms or morning after pills?!

Here I am at the age of 24, and I have no desire to get married or have my own spawns of devil. Then there’s Ann going for just the lifestyle I do not want. I do wish her luck, though. Her getting into this situation at least showed me one thing! One great thing actually! I don’t have to worry about my mother plodding me to get married like her. My mum was actually in an agreement with all the comments I made. She told me to wait until I find a man who truly loves me and then marry him. She told me don’t just marry the first guy who shows interest in me. Thanks, Mum! Your advices are duly noted and duly accepted!

Comments

  1. I am not a fan of family gatherings either, really. I’ll go to them, but I do dread them. I hope for their sake their marriage lasts. I really hate to see young people get married and then have it not last. It is so sad. I guess that is what happens when people rush into marriage, though. :(

  2. I think it’s sad that they see marriage as their only option as this point, especially if they’ve only been together for 6 months! Gosh…I feel like it takes a lot longer than that to figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with something and at 21 they’re still babies themselves!

    My mom had my sister at 21 and had been dating my father for a year or so. They ended up getting married, had me, and then they unfortunately got divorced when I was younger. It was the best option, though.

    Best wishes to your cousin and as far as you’re concerned, you have the right idea in mind. You have plenty of time to get married, enjoy the time you have now unhitched and then you’ll really enjoy the time you have while you’re married.

    -M.

  3. I think from you and the commenters I’m the complete opposite: I love big family parties and hanging out with the cousins. Mostly though, I think it is because I rarely see them so seeing them when I get the chance to is awesome.

    Honestly, I really hope it works out for your cousin and her soon-to-be husband. One of my coworkers is getting engaged to his girlfriend because she’s pregnant as well and they’re both 18. I don’t know if it will work out but for the kid’s sake I hope it does. However, there is my boyfriend’s case: his parents are seperated however they decided to get divorced until AFTER their kids had grown up.

    “Here I am at the age of 24, and I have no desire to get married or have my own spawns of devil.” ~ I love this & totally agree!! (I’m 22 though ^^;;)

  4. It’s sad that they are only getting married because of the baby, they should at least get to know each other first even with the baby coming…

    Ha ha spawns of devil :P love it! I’m 23 and married, wouldn’t change it for the world but I am no hurry to produce babies… ha ha!

    I do love family gathering as long as it is my close family and not the random extras we have…

  5. Ohhhh god, shotgun wedding. Yeah, that’s depressing that they’re getting married just because of this baby. Have they considered adoption or anything?

    I wouldn’t mind getting married but I really don’t ever want to have kids. It sucks because whenever I tell people this they don’t believe me! :( Not every woman is meant to be a baby-making-machine! I have never ever wanted to have kids but everyone keeps telling me I’ll change my mind “someday.” Arghhh.

  6. Well that’s interesting… she obviously has her reasons for getting married, and you’ll just have to see whether or not this works out. I’m 19, and in two years, I don’t think I can get married at all!!! It just sounds so surreal to me!

  7. I’m glad I didn’t treat the kid badly or anything, eek! I feel terrible when I judge people in my head. At least I kept my thoughts private.

    Yeah, it all goes round with the stereotypes. It’s really hard not to judge people stereotypically, but I try, I really try not to let that affect my judgment.

    That’s a terrible situation Ann’s in. If I were in the same position, I would have also initially felt jealous about her getting married before me. Some people don’t go ahead with marriage even if the woman falls pregnant. It seems like they’re being forced into it.

    Ah but yes, what happened to protection?! She’s got herself into a muddle! I feel sorry for her now. I hope the marriage ceremony goes well, at least, even if the actual marriage won’t last long.

    LOL, I hate family gatherings with a passion. >__>

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