This post is old, so what you see here may not reflect my current opinion and mindset, certain information may be outdated, and links may be broken.
Warning: Semi-stream-of-consciousness style writing ahead.
No, I haven’t pissed off and died like Provo did for 48 hours. Instead, I just haven’t felt like blogging much these days. Right now I’m at the point in my life where I’m just lost at everything. It doesn’t help that work is affecting the way I feel the most, amongst other things.
Instead of blogging, I’ve been turning to Harry Potter fanfiction to escape from life. Most of the time, I read fanfictions. However, I’ve been writing my own share of fanfictions as well. Right now, I’m working on a fic that revolves around Neville/Draco as a pairing. Quite interesting, really. Since the fic is being written in first person point of view using Draco’s voice, I feel like I’m channelling my frustrations through him. Never mind that he’s fictional and vastly different from me, starting with gender. Writing, though, is really therapeutic. For a while at least.
While I lose myself in fanfictions, I also lose myself in reading about such stars like Freddie Mercury. I want to know more about him. He fascinates me. His life, his musical talent — everything about him screams to me. I even considered buying the documentary DVD of his life — only to discover it was 40+ bucks. Granted, it’s a two-disc set, but still. I’m not sure what attracts him to me. Maybe it’s the way he lived. I want to do something different with my life like he did. Only problem is, I don’t know how.
I keep looking at travel tickets to Tokyo and London. I really need to stop torturing myself. The more I look at them, the more I want to leave here and go to one of the two locations. Never mind that I never been to London, I still want to go to the UK. I’ve always been fascinated by that nation. Even as a child, I admired that country. However, Tokyo is closer to South Korea — my home country. However both places are so expensive, and since the dollar-won rate conversion is great right now, I don’t dare leave that comfort yet.
I should also consider on a graduate programme. Only problem is I know what I really want to study. I want to study literature. I want to study contemporary and modern literature. Despite my hatred of some modern writers (T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound are a couple), I have a love-hate relationship with them. That’s what I really want to study, if I had the money right off hand. That’s my idealistic side talking, though. My practical side screams at me to don’t go that route. It orders me to choose a “practical” degree, a degree I’ll live my career off of. The problem with that logic is simple: I don’t know what career I want any more.
Really, my head’s a mess with reality. That’s why I escape it through various means, and right now it’s fanfictions. At least I’m not taking the alcoholic/drug route, hahaha.