This post is old, so what you see here may not reflect my current opinion and mindset, certain information may be outdated, and links may be broken.
Yes. Why bother being nice to anyone now, except for my “REAL” friends. Why bother anymore. But I do bother, because it’s part of my fucking nature. Dad says I’m a pessimist. And because what I go through and see, it’s no damn surprise.
It’s time like this when I wished I had some of my online friends here. But then again, even if they are here, and met me in person, they would fucking find me annoying because of my damn speech problems, won’t they?
I fucking hate it. I fucking hate having speech problems because of my hearing problems. I fucking hate having a fucked up eye. Just when I am slowly accepting it as a part of me, something takes that feeling away. I just hate it.
Why must I have these problems. Am I always going to be shun by society like that? Am I? The people I considered friends, in which about 90% of them, aren’t who I thought they were. Why? I be nice to you, and you take it for granted? Why must you? Am I that good of a tool? A retarded bitch that knows nothing about the world and sees everything as happy in Candy Land? Do they THINK that I am ignorant and know nothing at all?
I asked Jen, and got my answer. I always knew the group never liked me, but hearing it in words, hurts a lot. Granted I’m glad I know for sure now, but still it hurts. It does.
I was hoping I could hang with them every once in a while when Jen leaves. I guess not anymore. Why bother imposing them when they hate me for my problems that I can’t control. Why bother just fucking giving them what they ask for. Why bother letting them see a happy Tara, instead of the real bitchy Tara.
Why do I EVEN bother. I shouldn’t let this get to me, but it does. Even when I hug one of them, they gloat about not hugging back or whatsoever. Niceness is not a fucking necessity in the world anymore, act like them and be a bitch, then they will accept you.
This is a farked up world. And I despise it.